This is already a very long and crappy day. I am laying in the emergency room at St. Luke’s Hospital. I decided to come in because my jaw is in immense pain. The nurse comes in to check on my pain level. I tell her 5 or 6. She leaves. A scream from another room is demanding some assistance. This makes laying here even worse. My jaw has been swelled up and hurting for 3 days now. I have taken 4 Vicodins, 16 or so Aleves, Amoxacilin, and rubbed my gums with a loads of Orajel to no avail. My face hurts badly. I had to come in. The guy next to me is in his late 20’s…He is here for appendicitis. It’s his first surgery. I hear him tell his family that he is nervous and scared. Theresa looks at me and asks “Do you wanna give him your yogurt card?” Perfect. They like the gift. I tell them that I had my appendix rupture when I was 13 or so…and that he will be fine. And that after he gets out he is to go directly to the yogurt spot and enjoy it! He smiles…we both take our minds off of our own predicaments for a minute. After another hour of blood tests, a CT scan, and wacky morphine dreams my Doctor comes in and gives me the diagnoses….You have Diabetes. And your swelling is an inflamed saliva gland. Theresa gasps. And that is basically how today is going. You can imagine the details from here…and I am mega depressed.
I had to finish this painting today. Just like I felt like I had to make that gift today. It was the only thing that kept me going. That shared experience of freedom in the middle of our situation was the only thing that kept me going. I am going to be making some major changes. My life has changed. But this project WILL NOT CHANGE! I am determined to beat Diabetes. I am determined to finish this project. I know that it will be a source of strength and compassion for myself. And I had to do this today. It’s not about obligation….more determination. If I can make gifts and paint though this, with my sense of purpose and sense of humor intact, then I know I will be fine…Through all of the medications and depression I had to finish this today. Thanks for listening, I need to get some rest.